In the subatomic world

When There was full freedom

There is no doubt what so ever
I'm the end product of the Universe,
The darling offspring of all that ever was,
The final print after countless proofs,
Albeit, my long passage through eons
And through countless generations
Has been entirely unintended and unplanned.

I passed through sieve after sieve,
Somewhat modified every go,
A trillion times. Or, perhaps more!
Without ever my wishing so
Or my having a say in that.
I only happened to be a chosen one -
Randomly picked up from an odd lot.

No doubt, I fret a lot, indeed a lot.
I posses mass, throw it around
And cause ripples in space-time.
I have motion; can strike,
I have flight; can whiz past,
I can walk, I can talk, and I can even
Chalk out my future plans,
I can feel, know and think
And imagine things that exist not,
After all I'm a living being –
A defiant climber by default.

But is that really so?
Am I not for ever bound by laws of nature?
Always connected to my past and
Shaped by what I was and what I am?
Am I not only an element of a system
Which itself is an element of a larger system
And so on and so forth - endlessly?

Look at that beautiful thing called Love,
A seemingly willful thing,
The very warmth of life?
Yes, what about love?
Does love follow hard rules?
Can it be measured like wind?
And quantified like temperature?
Is there even arithmetic of love?
Yes, the day I was born I fell in love
With myself, and myself alone.
The love was deep and exclusive,
I refused to be aware of all but myself.
But soon I felt who my mother was
And recognized who was my father.
I loved to be hugged in their arms.
It was a very sweet embrace,
Very cozy and very tickling.
I loved my mom, I loved my dad,
For they too loved me very much.
But I hated them for being parents
Also to my sister and brother.
I hated sharing my parents with them.
Having grown up, I looked for a mate.
When found he/she was great, adorable,
Very sexy and really loveable.
I danced and I sang all the day long.
But this love was only a stepping stone.
My real love soon arrived - my baby.
I love my daughter, I love my son
Twice more than I love myself.
I love them ten times more than
I love my sister's or brother's kids,
A hundred times more than
Their kids' kids and so on.
Because in loving my own children
I love only myself and myself alone.
My children are my future self.

And the future? Ah! It is a certain thing,
There is nothing unpredictable about it
If you know the laws and a bit of Maths.
And the laws are eternal, universal and absolute.
They perhaps existed before the Universe was born.
They came along as everything else evolved.
In this macro world, at least, things are
Much on-course and on the tracks.
Our Universe seems flat and steady.
Our Galaxy moves on in its cosmic path.
Our Sun shines indeed gloriously
But has a finite span of life,
Our Earth's orbit is driven by curved space
Other planets keeping a safe distance,
The frequent fall of asteroids has almost halted,
And the Mutations are much fewer than before.
The Future is firmly reined by Past.
The massive Past acts like a weighty anchor,
Its intense escape velocity holds me back.
All my fanciful flights are grounded.

But, no, no, no
It was not so in the Beginning.
I indeed have had a glorious past.
My explosive birth was a big bang -
The grand mother of all explosions,
It was the hottest event of all times,
A billion times hotter than the next hottest thing.

The Time then had not begun to tick,
Nor were there any pauses between moments.
No events one before the other.
All was at the same time and everything everywhere
With no gaps in between.
There was no murmur, no sound
And Nothing was nowhere around
Randomness ruled the place.
The Laws of Nature were not yet formed.

Albeit, this unbounded state lasted only briefly –
Only a few millions years or so.
Soon the Time started ticking
And a great churning ensued.
It turned the place into a melting pot.
Lumps and clumps appeared,
Structures emerged and shapes arose.
Space and time became grainy.
Wide spaces parted grain from grain.
Particles organized into atoms,
Clouds of gas and dust arose,
From which stars were formed.
Eons amassed from moments.
These elements then evolved into systems.
Whose properties we call the Laws.
The laws were the product not the cause.
But so it seemed that everything was fixed –
Bound, and mutually consequential.
Randomness was destroyed and freedom lost,
And all events appeared, as if, pre-ordained,
And ruled by an omnipotent God.

Luckily, this tyranny of the fixed laws
Is true of the macro world only.
In the sub atomic world of gluons and quarks
And in the sizzling hot plasma
(A relic the short lived past)
Full freedom prevails even now.
In that micro world
You are still everything and everywhere.
Without a pause or a gap,
You can do whatever you please,
Go wherever you want,
Exist here and there at the same time,
And even vanish all together, If you so desire.

Baldev Raj Dawar,
E 610, Mayur Vihar, Delhi-110091 Tele.22772360 WWW.brdawar.com